Powerless

A Faded Love Story

 

Me? A new shy kid who didn't know better, just accepting to be the one as the opportunity presented itself. I know, I was trying to be cool which somehow, I accomplished because I had many good friends.

You were spontaneous fun and exciting. Now to think about it, that was why I said yes. In my head you could help me step out of this shy reality and into the real world.

I realized too young; I was too grown for my time. Always thinking 10 steps ahead and leaving no chances for failure. I understood the many things that defined being old, the responsibilities, decisions, choices and most importantly the reactions. For so long it bothered me, I didn't think I was ever shy, just careful/cautious. I wanted to enjoy my childhood (be like the other kids, live and experience all life had to offer) but my responsibilities felt like fragile glass that could shatter with the slightest mistake. All that meant was I could not live recklessly cause I knew things I will only get more difficult to handle as I got older.

Even with all of that knowledge I tried, planned and plotted. From all of our conversation I got to understand you more. I heard you and understood immediately how hard it must have been, so I tried to be the one stable thing you had. Every conversation, every plan and every plot were to get you out of your world into mine where I was the fearless daredevil you were looking for. I knew all my options, planned accordingly, had friends willing to help but still all my plans failed.

After separating I still did not want to leave you alone to face your world, trying to be the distraction that gave you peace.

I always remember the last night we ever spoke on the phone. All kinds of thoughts rushed through my head. What? Is she okay? Can't leave her stuck! What should I do? I know how to drive, but my parents though! Where would she sleep? I know we wouldn't be allowed to shear a bed, but I could sleep on the floor and keep her company. What about her parents? What about mine? Even though I knew the answer would be no, I still tried and got a confirmed no. It broke my heart I could not help but it was a situation I had no control of.

I really did care and after many years I found you on Facebook and saw how the world had treated you. I could not change a thing while still feeling powerless as I reached out just to make sure you were okay.

After some time, I couldn't keep it up. My world just kept driving me crazy and you seem to have found a bit more happiness in your new world. Every once in a while, I'd look you up to see how you were faring. It surprised me to see you have a family now. I am happy for you and the little bundles of blessings that are keeping you happy

I don't think you had the chance to experience certain things in life, but I can see you made the once you had, your own. Though our paths crossed just for a brief moment we still share the same reality.

So To You,

All The Best.


I might be powerless for a moment, but it will never be forever. I shall continue to believe in my childish self because in those days I had a plan and the desire to take care of everyone I care about. We as people, might have separate lives but we can use them to help one another.


LL (A Bad Friend) 1

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